youre lurking in front of me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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