So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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