I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
