I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
