When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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