its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
