I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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