imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
