Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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