WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
