I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
