i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
