On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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