I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
