and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
