If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
