Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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