Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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