I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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