Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
