yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were trust falling into bushes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
