she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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