New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
