Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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