Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
