Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
