Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
