Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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