Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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