I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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