I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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