Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the day after is always just damage control
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's the barista slut.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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