The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
