We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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