Already got asked if we're dating
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
