you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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