its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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