The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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