Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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