she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
