I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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