i think i have two assholes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
