When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
