never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
