Your dad touched me again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
