She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
