We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
