are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
