you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
