Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
