doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
