weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
